Stop Counting

"April 30th will be exactly six months.  I thought things would feel better."

 I kept looking back at the calendar. And then looking forward to a precise half year later..

 'That date was the last time."
             

                OR 

 "By this date, I will feel THIS way."

As if my heart would magically be healed by simply marking time.

"Anyone or anything worth loving is worth grieving," he said.

"Stop Counting."

Ever quick to make a joke when things are uncomfortable, I shot a quick response back.

"And start mounting."

We laughed.  Serious discussion averted.

Stop Counting

You can't tell your heart what to feel.
Time isn't precise when it heals.
The calendar merely counts off days
Your heart beats to a different phase
If you keep counting what happened, you'll miss what could happen.

Start Mounting

A defense
An offense
A tire(d) of thinking too much about......
A horse with no name
The stairs
A fabulous piece of art

Count the ways you can mount the rest of your days.

 And ride that bitch in an ocean swell, over a  jump on a fine white horse, in a 77 Ford truck down some bad ass trail.

Owl Be Watching You

So this week, two human encounters with wildlife ended in complete "What THE FUCK!" consternation and dismay.

Zoe lives at one of my buildings.  She's rude, so it doesn't exactly surprise me that she was the culprit in the swallow incident.  My team leader called me to say that Zoe took it upon herself to pry the window screen off the THIRD floor hallway window, take a broom and sweep away a swallow's nest -complete with eggs- crashing to the concrete below.

It seems that Zoe took a nasty dislike to the bird poop she encountered every day as she exited.  Hey, Zoester Monster, how about asking us to clean it, ignore it,walk around it, take a different exit, or clean it yourself and realize in a few short weeks the swallows would move on?

Second incident:  A mama owl had her babies on the balcony of one of the apartments. SO COOL!  Imagine having a private nature show and watching adorable owl babies grow and fledge on your very own private patio!  Who wouldn't love it?

Answer:  This particular resident.  Reason?  "I don't like the way they look at me."

Excuse me?  I get that it probably gets messy and the owl version of a Happy Meal means the toy animal is also the meal, but seriously?  They actually wanted us to get rid of them in any way possible.  So we had to remove an owl and her babies from their known territory or worse, kill them?


Every day is Earth Day.  In spite of our encroachment, creatures adapt and attempt to recreate a niche in whatever way possible as we tear through their original homes in the wild.  Isn't that what we humans do?  We get displaced physically, mentally,  or spiritually (sometimes all at the same time) and we attempt to recreate a niche.   We learn to fly again.  So we should have gratitude and honor wild creatures that wander back to the space we occupy.

And thank you to Bird Rescue of South Bay for the owl intervention.

 Zoe got a letter warning her that swallows in California are protected and those who cannot overlook bird poop and feel it necessary to harm them face a fine of $500- $3,000.  She also gets the stink eye from the animal lovers at the building.

And Zoe?  May the bluebird of happiness visit your balcony every day.  And deposit love bombs that find their way to you heart.  Or your eye.

Running Free In Her Dreams

Twice in the past week or so, Emily has been dreaming with her little paws twitching as she runs in her doggy REM.  She is deaf now, so her vocalizations ceased during the last few months.

So sweet to hear her little puppy yips and barks while she gambols along in her dreams.  She woke me this week while I cuddled her in my arms.  And I am so grateful for these bittersweet gifts.  I smiled and cried at the same time.

So much love this girl has been........

She's A Keeper

"She's Weird."

"She's very talkative."

"She was late twice."

"She's too friendly with the residents."

"She is scattered."

And so it went....   We had a temp come to work at my two senior communities.   My usually affable, yet very rule bound and serious Assistant, complained repeatedly.  Sam went on and on.

Crazy busy with a new property,  I did not have a chance to meet "Grossy Josie" (his term), but I kept  hearing about her from his point of view.  While the Property Manager vacationed, the criticism mounted.

In the meantime, I hired a very professional woman with experience to permanently fill the position.  She had " the look."  She wore conservative clothes, came beautifully packaged with a perfect coiffure and had real estate experience.   Greta was hired to fill the role.

I finally met Josie on Greta's first day.  Definitely not your average little bear, but I liked her sweet spirit, her can do attitude and the unquestionable keen intelligence emanating from her gaze.

I decided to keep Josie for a few days while he trained Greta since my Property Manager still had a few days of vacation left, much to Sam's chagrin.  He practically danced a jig when Josie took a long lunch and didn't exactly return on time.

"Pleeeeeeze I'd rather work by myself than have her around."

I finally gave in and called to cancel with the temp agency.  Perhaps Josie was just too out there.  Plus, I was just way too busy to fight the battle.  I tend to look for agendas and give new people the benefit of the doubt before I pull the trigger.  From experience, I know that brand new employees can be exposed to unfair pack mentality and tribalism from long term employees.

Monday, perfectly perfunctory Greta walked off the job when she encountered Flo with advancing Alzheimer's, Alveah the angry resident and Dale our resident schizophrenic.

Upon her return, I met with sweet Jane, the Property Manager.

"Well, she's eccentric for sure.  And I need to counsel her on keeping a professional distance from the residents and on timely arrival, BUT do you know what she did last week?  We had a swarm of bees and the residents were FREAKING out.  I told them the bees would go away in a day or two, but they were frantic with worry and insisted the bees be exterminated.

"And Josie?  Well, she came after hours that evening dressed in her beekeeper's suit and collected them to come and live on her land in Vista."

So, Josie, welcome back!  I hope you work out.  I learned a lesson this week in taking time, even when I am extremely busy, to listen to my heart and go with my instinct.

"Your Conscience Will Speak To Her Soul."

Knowing when to let go of my Emily girl has been a roller coaster of emotion.

I called the vet and chose to meet her at a beautiful spot surrounded by wild flowers and nature this Sunday.

Only I couldn't do it.  Emsy rebounded a little this week and got all excited for steak in her food.

Sigh.....  So I called it off.  It's such an emotional and final decision.  Hard to know if I'm second guessing or giving her more quality time.

Cynthia the vet told me the following:

"You will know when it is time.  It will be in her eyes.  Your conscience will speak with her soul."

I pray that she is right.  And selfishly, that I have a little more time.

Moon In A Different Light

I love celestial events.
I cherish nature's light show in the comets.
I've taken meteor showers in the cold desert at 3 a.m.
The Sisters of the Seven Stars are my companions

And most of the time, my little shadow has taken in these heavenly sights along with her mama.
Trips to the back country in cold winter months, cuddles in blankets while we awaited arrival.
She loved these trips.

My favorite is the moon.

His light means so much.
I looked to the moon in complete love once.
I still smile when he follows me in my 4 a.m. drive to work.

His yellow glow in Autumn enthralls.
His crescent is most magnificent.
I take solace in him right now because he is a constant.

And this morning, the sun, and the earth and our beloved Mr Moon gave us a spectacular show.
And I am most grateful for such a beautiful gift......

My girl is old and fragile.   She's tired.  So this week, after spoiling her with yummy dog meals of hamburgers and all things forbidden, we will enjoy hours cuddled beneath the waning full moon and cherish the light and our time together.  It will be a little more dear to me this time.

She is a most beautiful lunar companion.  I could not have asked for more.