My animals.......
It's been a long while since my wise and woolly Spirit Wolf went away, but my girl's loss is fresh. I eschew taking meds for little bumps in the road of life. Lucky that one of the most beautiful lessons my Spirit Wolf taught me is the importance of giving voice to painful things as a way of healing. Ignoring them makes them more powerful
My Spirit Wolf gave me courage to confront, speak out loud and take control. I miss him as much now as the day he went away, but am so grateful that he came along.
It's been two weeks now and well, I still feel the loss. It comes at weird times, this sorrow. She was my beautiful girl. I keep looking for her or imagine I hear her little click click nails on the wood floor. I miss the little contented sigh she made as she went to sleep each night right next to me.
I met the very kind soul who helped me let Emily go in a field of flowers after taking my beauty dog for one last morning walk and then a nap under our cherished Treesa Tree. We ate eggs and bacon and pancakes and hash browns. No commas here. And signifies how awesome each item was.
Emily was tired, and as Cynthia did the necessary things to make Emily comfortable, I lay down next to her, letting my tears fall into her soft fur and put my head on her heart. I felt the last beat of her heart as her light left this world to go shine in the next.
At that moment, I silently asked Emily in my heart to come back after crossing and let me know she was okay.
Later in the afternoon, I grew frantic when I looked for Emily's collar. When I adopted her, the foster gave Emily a beautiful purple collar. She had it her whole life. As Cynthia prepared to take Emily to be cremated, I slipped her collar off as I wanted to keep it as a precious reminder of her beautiful soul.
I placed a call to ask Cynthia to look for it and raced back to the meadow of flowers. I retraced the area and could not find it. As I sat in the car with tears streaming down my face, Cynthia called to say she did not find the collar. I was completely devastated and angry at myself for losing such a precious thing.
Earlier, my sister called and reminded me that my mom was the one who talked me into getting Emily. Earlier that year, I put down my beloved 17 year old dalmatian and prior to that, my beloved Mr. Tweeligers, the brown and white springer. I truly did not want another dog. I just didn't want the ache of losing another one. I was dogless for the first time in my,life.
My mom called me and told me I needed another dog to love and that it was high time I accepted their loss and give another dog a home. I casually looked at the ESRA sight and fell in love with my perfect Emily.
"Emily is with Mom now. She'll look after her 'til you see her again."
I started to drive off, resigned to the fact that the collar was gone forever, but my sister's words came back to me. I put the car in park, ran back to the area again and searched. After 5 minutes, I started to retreat when I spied a bit of purple in a pile of dirt. It WAS my girl's collar! I took it and held it to my heart and cried tears of relief, thankfulness, sadness and awe.
Emily was so perfect in every way. I loved her petite frame, her show dog beauty and her funny personality. She will be the last dog I own. Our bond was so strong. I cannot even fathom loving another dog as much as I loved her. But I KNOW she is still with me.
Call me whimsical and foolish, but I know in my heart my girl came back to encourage me to look again and to let me know she was fine and being cared for in another light. She is my Spirit Animal now.
