Get Your Scan On!

I am guessing that the main protesters over full body scanning at airports are males between the ages of 20 and 40. You know, the ones who haven't endured having their "Junk" regularly viewed in a non romantic setting at least once a year? (Strippers don't count!)

We chicks yawn and say, "Bring it on! What's the big Whoop? You want to view the goods in order to make sure we're not smuggling in bombs wrapped around the hooha, then knock yourselves out!"

We've fully exposed ourselves to "the outside world" since around age 16 and the annual party for two continues on until well, I guess it never ends. Not to mention that during childbearing years, the fallopian fun fest involves an ever widening circle of opportunity for even more outsiders "not intimately involved" to bare witness to our nether charms.

That's not to say that all that involuntary exhibition over the years doesn't take some getting used to. I still regularly stuff my HMO"S patient suggestion box with a plan for handling "the annual" which involves providing liquid courage in the form of box wine in the waiting room AND supplying large paper bags for all patients to wear over their heads in the exam room. (BIG FAN OF ANONYMITY HERE!!!!!!!)

I remember being absolutely HORRIFIED when my girlfriend, Terri blithely allowed her hubs, both sets of in laws, hub's bro and the man who performed the last oil change on her van to parade in and out of the birthing room whilst she was in the throes of delivering her baby. I was still grappling with the fact that more than one medical employee at a time was allowed to be present when her personal viewing party began.

Perhaps the body scan is no biggie to women because we've probably endured our share of awkward moments involving our "nekkid" selves. Imagine being twenty and in walks a handsome, blonde intern who is subbing for the day in place of your usual kindly, fatherly Dr. Welby-like regular physician. (You chose him exactly because you figure he's seen it all and then some and it's not QUITE so creepy.)

Poor little intern is just trying to make small talk, but the small talk involves a convo that normally takes place at a bar or during a party, not with your two feet flying up in the air, in a room colder than ice and well, you know the rest...

"Wow, I see you work at blah, blah, blah. Do you know Whozer Whatsit and So and So?"

"Umm, yeah I DO."

"Well, make sure you tell them I said hello!"

"Ummm, yeah. I will be sure I tell good ol' Whooz and 'So you said hey! Should I tell them
we know each other up close and personal?"

Awkward silence for a few seconds until the jaded nurse snorts with laughter and intern realizes he should have just been quiet......

Frankly, I'd rather walk thru a scanner than have Bertha, who just came back from her lunch consisting of lots of onions and garlic, pawing me in secondary.

Hey, buck up everyone! So you pass through the scanner and 3-4 TSA agents can see all of you from shit to Shinola. As long as you aren't packin' PETN, CENTEX, TNT or small furry hamsters, it's all good! Just, grin and say, "Cheese