Earthquake Glasses

In this Photoshop world of perfectionism in images, I found myself recently admiring a friend who had a really, really honest, unretouched, wild -ass hair, “I’ve just rolled out of bed,” photo tagged on Facebook.  My friend expressed surprise when I stated that it was my favorite photo.  I explained that the photo captured my friend’s true personality:  A charming blend of brutal truthfulness, slight cynicism and ornery stubborn, desperately trying to hide the chewy marshmallow center.

"I like it because you look as if you are challenging ANYONE to have a problem with your look.  It’s as if you are saying, 'Yeah?  So I just got out of bed.  Fucking deal with it!  This is ME!'"

In addition, it got me to thinking about my earthquake glasses and how my inner dork is revealed in the ugliest pair of glasses ever created.  It made me think of the reasons I own the earthquake glasses in the first place and the evolution of how a pair of glasses meant for shaky times came to represent my deepest fears and true self.  And how I haven’t worn them for awhile…..

READ the FREAKING California Earthquake Preparedness Pamphlet, people!  It gets you ready for THE BIG ONE.  Yunno, the BIG O!  No, no, no, not  THAT Big O ( yes, I am DEFINITELY a fan, but that’s another blog).   I’m talking about the huge ass mutha’ of all earthquakes - the one that’s gonna split California in half and send us packing into the cold, cold Pacific. 

To wit:  Section1234.56A states that one should pack an extra pair of glasses in the old earthquake kit.  God forbid that your personal stash of contact lens cleaner ends up in the totally demolished bathroom  while your sorry ass sits in the pup tent outside hoarding water, matches and Beanie Weenies - blind as a bat because you FINALLY had to rip the dry, crusty contacts from your eyes after 3 days.  Why not just pack contact lens solution in the preparedness kit?  The pamphlet helpfully pointed out that these products expire and hard plastic glasses do not.

Made sense to me!  And since control, worry and fear were my favorite companions, I made a beeline to Costco, found the CHEAPEST pair of ugly ass glasses on the wall, gave them my prescription and waited for the friendly Costco peeps to call me when they were ready.

The day arrived, and I cheerfully arrived at the Costco.  I patiently went through the whole sitting with the technician routine, even though I didn’t care a fig about proper fit, blah, blah, blah.  The technician hemmed and hawed, readjusted, fidgeted and then FINALLY pulled back and looked at me, clearly distressed.

“Ummm, have you looked at some of the other frames we have?  I have to be honest.  This look is not a good one.”  

I then explained the purpose of the glasses and she breathed a BIG sigh of relief and gave me a sheepish grin.

“Oh, I feel so much better!  I just COULDN’T let you walk around wearing these.”

We both laughed, and I happily (And carefully) drove home to complete my official CALIFORNIA EARTHQUAKE PREPAREDNESS KIT. 

Only the glasses did not stay there.  Weekends would roll around, and putting on contacts to schlep to Vons seemed so silly when I could just slip on the dorky earthquake specs. .  And pretty soon, I started wearing them the whole weekend. Seriously, I wore those ugly, freaky glasses out in public!  What?  Yes, really! 

One week, I even brought them home on vacation to Oklahoma.  I wore them in front of my lifelong friends!  They all laughed at my dork glasses - especially when I told them how it came to be that I was wearing the world’s UGLIEST glasses.  Yet, because they were my friends, they actually grew to love me in my scaredy cat dork glasses.  They actually complained when I stopped wearing them!

 I DID stop wearing them.   Because they represented control and fear.  I started to realize that those two things needed to go away in my life; that shedding those negative qualities, like the glasses, was an important step in being a better person….And I stopped worrying about things I could not control.  Well, mostly!  I fight hard to make that part stay under wraps..  I don’t EVEN pretend that I have an earthquake kit.  Stupid, I know, but for me, necessary to just roll with it and hopefully dig out to the other side.

  Hey!  I’m gonna’ get my dork glasses back out.  And I’m going to rock that dork look HARD!  Deep down inside, I STILL have a tiny bit of the controlling,  fearful dork, but I can pick and choose when and where I let my little freak flag fly - just like the glasses!

Here’s to my friend, for teaching me that confidence in who you are is what matters most.  ….No Photoshop, no retouching, just honesty and reality.   It is then that you are truly beautiful…