A Problem Like Maria

I never take terminating someone's employment lightly.  In fact, truth be told I hold the cards for way too long, trying every which way to make it work, ignoring the inevitable, tempting fate.  But the crap part of my job occasionally involves making the painful decision to make changes.  I fall apart after I do it - even if the person turns out to be the biggest piece of shit and totally deserves it. 

And so it was with "Ellen."  I inherited her when we bought the building.  From the very beginning, I remember my first question to the VP when we toured the building for the first time was, "And we're NOT keeping Ellen, right?"  But Ellen remained. 

Ellen was..... well, she was odd.  And not in a good way.  I usually dig people who are unusual or quirky.  In fact, I seek them out. I like people who are unique!  Well into her late forties, she had a petulant, childlike personality.  She was fey.  Sometimes it appeared she was stuck in the preteen years.   She would do and say the most outrageous things- especially during meetings.  My seven other managers would just look at her in exasperation.  I, ever the patient one, would answer her silly question and direct her focus back to the matter at hand.  They would look at me and roll their eyes.

I stuck with Ellen for a long, long time.  I even grew to understand her ways and usually worked around her quirks and learned how to adapt.  It did cause a lot of extra effort on my part, but I felt sorry for her and wanted to make it work.  Finally, Ellen wore me down.  She was becoming a liability to herself and others.  She would leave her office for hours and go shopping at the thrift store.  Hey, I love to go vintage myself, and if she would've bought some great clothes, maybe I would have forgiven her, but Ellen would buy these huge print caftans and try to wear them to work.  (Keep in mind that our dress code is pretty strict and consists of tailored clothing and separates).  The hours she spent away from her job left her office and team in chaos.  The final straw?  She ran out of gas with a bus full of seniors!  She explained to me that she neglected to fill up the bus and was on her way to the gas station and thought she could make it.

With a heavy heart, I had to do it.  I took the VP with me on this one.  After letting her go, we patiently waited for her to pack up the GAZILLION nicknacks, geegaws, craft projects, doodads, etc she had stuffed in every available drawer and cabinet.  This was taking quite a long time and grew to be increasingly uncomfortable.  It was clear to me that I had to do something.  If we had allowed let her continue, we would have been there for hours.

 "Ummm, Ellen, I gently said.  " I tell you what.  I'm going to go ahead and have all the rest boxed up and it will be waiting here for you.  I PROMISE nothing will happen to any of your personal items.  You can come in anytime and pick them up, or I can ship them to you."

Ellen turned and grew quite animated.  She did a little dance, threw her hands in the air and circled twice.  "THIS reminds me of the part in" Sound of Music" where the Baroness offers to help Maria pack.  Only she's not REALLY wanting to help Maria out of kindness.  She just wants her out of the way so that she can have Captain Von Trapp for herself." 

I was stunned!  She DID NOT JUST PULL OUT THE SOUND OF MUSIC CARD!  Seriously?  What do you say to that?   "Ellen, I will make sure you get your things, but it is time for you to go ahead and take the things you do have."

House looked at me in utter confusion.  I looked at him and said, "I do believe I have been compared to the evil Baroness from the Sound of Music" 

He still looked  confused. "What?"

"Oh come on!  Haven't you seen The Sound of Music?  You know, Maria and the children and the freaking lonely goat herder?  The Baroness fears that the Captain is falling for Maria, so she conspires to send poor Maria back to the nunnery!  Ellen has cast herself as poor Maria and I am the evil Baroness!"

"Ummmm, no, I have never seen that movie."  House, who is the epitome of uber cool, non emotional, manly men, looked utterly confused at my tirade.  "I think I should have listened to you from the start."

"You think????  I rolled my evil Baroness eyes and grabbed his arm.  " Fine!  I am channeling my inner Baroness right this instant and demanding a really fine lunch.  Where are you taking me?"

AS we left I couldn't help feeling  bad for "Maria."  I made House go ahead of me to bring the car around, and as I locked the office, I couldn't help but sadly hum.  "So long, farewell, Aufweidersane, adieu......"

And later that year for Christmas,  House received a little DVD wrapped up in brown paper and tied up with string.  The tag read "To House from the Baroness."    He won't admit he watched it, but I KNOW he did..