Woo Woo Whimsical Goes Shopping

Woo Woo Whimsical, you are banned from going shopping.  I will no longer allow your romantic, silly, sentimental little self to accompany me on Sunday.  As my Gemini twinsey, you are equally lethal to my wallet and my psyche.  I give in to your woo wooedness and end up with clothes I can't wear and the notion to wander through tall grass in bare feet, no undies and a flower in my hair.  And you know what?  That just leads to gnats up the nose and the chance for an errant twig scratching my ass.

In fact, Woo Woo causes a lot of trouble.  She needs to have Snarky, Sassypants Susie keep her in check AND kick her ass every time she gets the notion to sigh at some song, throw baby's breath flowers all over the bed and light candles under a full moon.

 The good news is that I have Halloween costumes for the next 10 years.

Shhhh.....no one will EVER know that I didn't buy these clothes for the purpose of using them as a costume.  Except for the 5 people who read this blog.  Make sure I have your addresses so I don't come trick or treating at your house.

Costume #1:  The fairy/butterfly.  Dyed in beautiful hues of iridescent blues and purples in the softest cotton, this dress also has a pointed hemline worthy of freaking fairy status.  Don't ask me why I thought this dress was so beautiful.  I don't KNOW what I was thinking.   Actually, I don't know what Woo Woo Whimsical was thinking.  Clearly, she was still high from sighting that unicorn in the parking lot at CVS Pharmacy and riding him to the clothes boutique.

Costume #2:  The Bride.

I sometimes don't even REMEMBER how these freaky deaky threads come into my possession.  Such was the case with the fairy number.  I SWEAR some cheeky wood nymphs placed it in my closet while I was sleeping.  That is not the case with this little $85 white wonder.  Made entirely of lovely, lovely creamy dreamy lace, Woo Woo fell in love the minute she spied it in some ridiculously expensive store in Solana Beach.  The fact that it has romantic little buttons running all the way down the back of the dress sealed the deal for Miss Whimsy.   Hey, hit me up if you wanna get married.

Costume #3:  The Majorette

Woo Woo was under the influence of a flirty little afternoon at a vintage store.   At the time,  Woo Woo had a little broken heart, and she spent an unexpected day with a friend.  He made her feel a little beautiful that day. And the light was just right, and we were being silly, and he insisted that this dress was sooo cool.  And it is! - when you time travel back to the early sixties and have a 300 person band backing you and your potentially dangerous steel rod with rubber knobs on both ends.  I said rod.  I said knobs.  That is all...  Still, sigh.

This dress has great memories.  I give Woo Woo a pass on this one.    But I am afraid wearing it out could mean being conscripted into some over aged, wannabe baton girl group still intent on twirling their tassels while handling a big rod in public.  Plus it's made of wool and scratches my nipples. I guess I could learn to nonchalantly scratch my boobs while throwing the baton to impossible heights and waiting for gravity to return it.  Everyone will be watching the baton, and I might be able to scratch that itch in public.

Dress #4:  Satan has his way with Woo Woo.  Whaaaaaaat. The. HELL!?!

I have so may fashion disasters, I can't possibly show all of them.  I will list some of them for you.

Here in NO particular order of yeeeeeech:

1.  Polyester Carol Brady pants from the 70's.-  Blue, cream. elastic waist genuuuuuuine polyester guaranteed to explode if exposed to open flames.  (Also a product of vintage thrift store shopping with my fun friend).  He could have convinced me to wear two bicycle tires as a bikini on THAT day.) Sigh....he said my arse looked good in them.  Plus, I tried them on in the middle of the crowded racks, and he thought that was funny and awesome.
2.  Super expensive polka dot dress from the 50's with a cocker spaniel motif on the pocket.  I know.....WTH!!!!!!  No poodles.  I went for a mutant cocker spaniel.
3.  Black polyester matador pants.  Okay, Okay.  I was loving the cool embroidery up the sides.  Sue me!
4.  Vintage moss green velvet dress from the 20's.  Also very expensive. I loved this dress.  I loved it til I wore it to a Christmas party last weekend and discovered that the hem of the already very short dress tended to roll up like a cheap window roller blind when this wanna be Daisy would sit down.  I thought it was a little drafty each time I got up and that men were paying a lot of attention to me at the party.  I thought it was the new perfume I was wearing.  Nope!  'Nuff said.

I'm changing Woo Woo's name to Woo Woo Wardrobe Wrong.  I've stuffed her in the trunk, but she is pretty powerful.  Plus Priuzilla the Prius is a hatchback with a psuedo trunk of sorts.  One twist of the cheap plastic knobs and she would be free; free to commandeer my fashion sense and credit card.

Oh, Woo Woo.  What fashion disaster will you lead me to next?

Drifting.....

              "I used to be Snow White, but then I drifted."

                                                                        -Mae West

I KNOW.....  I promised snappy and happy.  I give myself a one blog moratorium.  Stupid milestones.  They can be fucking heavy.

It's a chick thing.  The birthday ball hit the same week as October 30th- a whole year since the official clock struck midnight.  A WHOLE year.  It means nothing and everything.  It's just the date of the last date.

The next day I played a Princess

Filled with joy

The clock stopped at midnight

I still had shoes on, so I did not know

Twice he came to me

Wishful strong dreams

I think that wasn't real

Maybe it was the mythical closure dragon

He bites

Realizing the forest I roamed

tumbles to desert and rock

to violent serene below

This place I know

Gathering my metaphorical tail and wits

And shells for my bits

The airwaves brought a song and rhyme

from past circles that lead to this season in time

Salty stinging ouch!

Well, maybe for a second

Okay, a day or two

Fuck!

An honest forever

Stupid Fairy Tales

Water is the place I choose

Will I be a siren to seduce

Or a mermaid who is free?

I'll mind my OWN sea

Swimming out and drifting

The curse is looking back

And seeing he's not there.

The happy ending

(Dang! I never got to finish that)

Is a heart that heals itself.