Saturday, January 3, 2015

A Love Letter, Acceptance, Surrender and Wetsuits



2015 is upon us.  So many changes already.  I'll be honest.  This year starts with a huge challenge of accepting loss. Even I am amazed at the depth of emotion this causes..  Man, I LOVED hard.  And was lucky to do so. It was once in a lifetime and so life changing. It's hard to lose your hero.

Thank you, my friend.  You listened without judgement and helped me face some really difficult things.  Romantic love is easy to lose. Profound friend love is a different story altogether.  I will miss, adore and love you always. You were a wonderful light.

You were an unexpected, random, impossible, improbable surprise.  The Gypsy was right.   I had to go there.

I am hopeful time passes quickly on the swim back to happy- go- lucky, carefree and spirited.  I want to write funny things again.  I want to make people laugh.  It's good for the soul to create mirth.  It feels like home.

They say to keep busy.  I hope to finish my script, FINALLY make the move I need to make and buy a house.  I plan to take a surf trip to Costa Rica, visit Cuba and get up to Monterrey Bay and visit Cannery Row.  I love John Steinbeck.  I've never been up that far. This seems like a good time to go.

Work is about to get crazy busy with two huge challenges involving a luxury building built in a challenging area and a building that needs to be turned around.  So busy, busy, busy is the key here, I guess.  It's the quiet moments that are hard.  That's when I start thinking and missing.

When you walked away.  I was so scared to surrender to the wave.  I still am!  It's pretty daunting, this wave.  I'm afraid of the tumbling, twisting wave of grief I'm going through.  But acceptance is part of this process.  Plus I fear I have reached my snot and tissue quota for the next 5 years.  So I better start swimming :)

Surrender.....

Well, surrender wearing a bitchin' wetsuit.  No reason NOT to be fashion forward.  Yee to the FUCKING haw for that, my love!  You made that happen.  That alone was worth the price of admission. I thank you for this every day.  Forever........




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